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 Home of TAC (The Anti-Critic) |
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| .....................................................TAC Lists the Movies . . . Some Info You Can Use in Deciding What to See |
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Conspectus |
says it all! |
movie if you like.... |
this movie if you like... |
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RocknRolla  |
The guy divorcing Madonna directs the guy from 300 battling the guy who went nuts in Michael Clayton. |
"The streets are aloud with the sound of pain." |
Trainspotting, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels |
Travolti dal destino (Translation: Swept Away) |
oops, coming soon |
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Pride and Glory  |
High stress ensemble cop drama with Ed Norton, Colin Farrell and Noah Emmerich balancing a tight rope of duty and disaster. |
"Don't talk to me about the truth." |
Pride |
Glory |
oops, coming soon |
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High School Musical 3  |
Disney's youth explosion reinvents the movie musical, or at least reinvigorates it. |
"It's gonna be a night to remember." |
Grease, Chicago |
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. |
oops, coming soon |
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The Secret Life of Bees  |
Queen Latifiah reigns over a house of misfits trying to figure out the confusion of race, family and the south in 1964. |
"It takes a lot more courage to live than to die." |
Harper Lee |
Spike Lee |
oops, coming soon |
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Max Payne  |
A brooding Mark Walberg seeks revenge for the death of his family in this fantastical movie from a video game. |
"I don't believe in Heaven. I believe in Pain. I believe in Fear. I believe in Death." |
Mindless comic book violence |
Mindful comic book violence |
oops, coming soon |
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Sex Drive  |
Road trip romp of a nebbish teen seeking his internet sure thing. |
"Wanna party?" |
Road Trip, College Road Trip, Senior Trip, Boat Trip, Trip Out, The Fishing Trip |
The Trip to Bountiful |
oops, coming soon |
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W.  |
Josh Brolin channels the 43rd president in an Olivier Stone bio-mentary (or is that docu-graphy?). |
"Wanna party?" |
The DNC |
The GOP |
oops, coming soon |
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City of Ember  |
Kids try to simutaneouly save and escape underground city ruled over by a droll Bill Murray. |
"It's dark." |
Chronicles of Narnia, Spiderwick Chronicles |
oops, coming soon |
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Body of Lies  |
Dream Team DiCaprio & Crowe attempt to win the war on terror. |
"Nobody's innocent." |
Dust |
Moisture |
oops, coming soon |
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Miracle at St. Anna  |
Spike Lee war story of prejudice, pride and the belief in miracles. |
"It takes a lot more courage to live than to die." |
Sophie's Choice |
oops, coming soon |
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Quarantine  |
Local reporter chick films documentary-style, zombie-type horror flick. |
"Film everything." |
Cloverfield, The Blair Witch Project |
Nightly News "Remotes" |
oops, coming soon |
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Beverly Hills Chihuahua  |
Drew Barrymore voices luxe lapdog learns life lessons while on a road trip to Mexico |
"Yip!" |
The logic of "Ghost." |
The Sixth Sense |
oops, coming soon |
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Choke  |
Self-obessessed addict deals with love and mortality in a dark comedy. |
"What would Jesus *not* do" |
Parties with lots of wigs, the Whig party |
One layer outfits |
oops, coming soon |
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An American Carol  |
Michael Moore parody with a cribbed Dickens' plot device. |
"I don't believe you, you're gonna play the Rodney King card?" |
Team America, Bill O'Reilly |
Cul-de-Sacs |
oops, coming soon |
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SEPTEMBER 2008 |
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Ghost Town |
Ricky Gervais' try at high concept rom-com stardom. |
"Ah-choo"  |
The logic of "Ghost." |
The Sixth Sense |
oops, coming soon |
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The Duchess  |
Costume drama noting the real-life trials of a perplexed royal wife, maiden-name Spencer |
"No, I made my biggest mistake a long time ago." |
Parties with lots of wigs, the Whig party |
One layer outfits |
oops, coming soon |
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Lakeview Terrace  |
Reverse racism actioner set in Xanadu-ish So. Cal. neighborhood. |
"I don't believe you, you're gonna play the Rodney King card?" |
Wild fires, A wild Samuel L. Jackson |
Cul-de-Sacs |
oops, coming soon |
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The Family That Preys |
Tyler Perry drops Madea and adds a cutesy-tyrant Kathy Bates in this familial character study. |
"I've never seen you drive! Where's Morgan Freeman? " |
Cross-racial, inter-family, hyper-dramatic s  |
Sprinkles of Madea |
oops, coming soon |
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Burn After Reading  |
George, Brad and Malkovich in latest Cohen Brothers spectacle. |
"I'm not set up to mold hard rubbers" |
oops, coming soon |
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The Women  |
Proto-neo-feminist tale facing down the world's second oldest sin. |
"It's my face, deal with it." |
oops, coming soon |
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Bangkok Dangerous |
The Pang brothers remake their own movie with Nicholas Cage as conscious-filled hitman. |
"This is what I do." |
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AUGUST 2008 |
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Babylon A.D.  |
Vin Diesel delivers precious super-human cargo in sci-fi fantasy yarn set in a war torn, near future. |
"Look lady, I'm just the delivery boy and you're the package." |
oops, coming soon |
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The House Bunny  |
Anna Faris as a stereotypical dumb-blond, playboy bunny saving a soriety house full of nerdettes. |
"The eyes are the nipples of the face." |
oops, coming soon |
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Tropic Thunder  |
Ben Stiller's ultra violent, super filthy almagam of 20th Century War Movie making |
"Never go full retard." |
oops, coming soon |
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Pineapple Express |
Dope story with dope fiends being comically dopey  |
"The monkey's out of the bottle now." |
oops, coming soon |
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The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor |
Part 3 in the Brandon Fraser Mummy-fest, set among the terra cotta soldiers of a Jet Li-ruled China |
"The Yak yakked." |
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JULY 2008 |
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Step Brothers  |
Argoyle-clad, arrested-developed twosome trying to grow up with hilarious results |
"Can we turn our beds into bunkbeds?" |
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Mamma Mia!  |
Star-studded, Abba greatest-hits musical, set among the movie stars. |
"Can you hear the drums Fernando?" |
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The Dark Knight  |
Part 2 in the Nolan Canon on the Bat Man with a Heath Ledger role that's no joke. |
"Madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little...push" |
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Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D |
Cute, kiddy adaptation of the Wells' classic  |
"I call dibs on the mountain climber. " |
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Hellboy II: The Golden Army |
Continuing saga of the wise-cracking lad in red, fightiing underground baddies |
"Suck my ectoplasmic Schwanzstücke! " |
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Hancock  |
Annual July 4th Will Smith exstravaganza of action, humor and saving the world. |
"People don't like you, Hancock." |
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JUNE 2008 |
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Wall*E  |
Pixar's morality tale on fat Americans told through the eyes of a Chaplin-esque robot. |
"Walleeee" |
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Wanted  |
Curving bullets from the most curvaceous hit woman to grace the big screen. |
"Do you make sweaters, or do you kill people?" |
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The Incredible Hulk |
Edward Norton reboot of the super hero who was nearly killed single- handedly by Ang Lee. |
"Don't make me hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.." (In bad Portuguese) |
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Get Smart  |
A well-matched Max and Agent 99 kill the bad guys with laughter. |
"Missed it by that much!" |
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Kung Fu Panda  |
Jack Black as a Jack Black-like chop-suey wannabe destined for greatness. |
"We are noodle folk. Broth runs through our veins" |
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MAY 2008 |
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Sex and The City |
The Manhattan Girl-Gang now covers Brooklyn and L.A. while on the way to Carrie's impending nuptials to Mr. Big . . . |
"It's forgiveness."  |
The "F" Word: Fashion. |
Your women barefoot and pregnant. |
There once was a young lady from Manhattan/ Whose abs she did like to flatten/She was left at the alter/But her friends didn't falter/To wage war on the men like Patton |
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The Fall  |
Visual epic covering the 4 corners of the globe with lots of heart, wit and attempted suicide. |
"She realised there was only way out of her prison." |
The Never-Ending Story, The Princess Bride, Morphine Sulfide |
Water colors |
Butterfly prism Tints skies of the hero tale Child eyes cry joyful |
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Indiana Jones and the Legend of the Crystal Skull |
What need be said?  |
"What are you old man? Like 80?" |
Mom, America, Apple Pie, special effects |
The Cold War. |
Like the Indy of old on steroids and viagra |
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Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian |
Second chapter of the C.S. Lewis' children's series with a more mature approach and plenty of new, cute characters |
"The last time I didn't believe Lucy, I ended up looking pretty stupid. " |
Fantasy mixed with beefcake  |
Fantasy mixed with Beefeater |
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Red Belt  |
Typical, but far from ordinary, David Mamet svengali story featuring a mixed martial arts master being taken to task. |
"A man distracted is a man defeated." |
Card Tricks, Rubik's Cubes, Chinese Puzzle Boxes |
Stories that don't require a notepad and pencil to keep up. |
Like a Van Damme movie if co-written by Shakes- peare and Rube Goldberg |
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Speed Racer  |
Carrying the baggage of The Matrix series, the Wachowski Brothers shoot (and score?) for a family film. |
"Speed Racer slow down!" |
Adrenalin, Caffiene, Red Bull |
Valuim, Xanax |
Many colors blur From the roaring of the son Mach 5 bloom of speed |
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What Happens In Vegas |
Dream Duo of Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kucher attempt to make the audience the lucky ones for risking the price of admission. |
"Seven!"  |
Honeymoon in Las Vegas, The Flintsones in Viva Las Vegas, National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation, Leaving Las Vegas, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. |
Atlantic City |
There once was a young Blonde from Cal./Who hung with her hot Pun'k pal/So they made their little movie/And cooed cooed so groovy/To try and boost box office morale. |
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Priceless  |
Audrey Tautou vehicle about riding the Sugar Daddy Express until love derails the whole thing. |
"Combien d'argent avez-vous?" |
Amelie, A Very Long Engagement |
The Da Vinci Code |
Like Madonna's Material Girl in French, but without the underarm hair. |
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The Life Before Her Eyes |
Uma Thurman and Evan Rachel Wood team up to the play the same woman/ girl dealing with a death before their eyes. |
"You don't have to kill us." |
O Henry, The Sixth Sense, The Others |
Neat little bows all tied up at the end.  |
Flowers blossoming Youth growing before our eyes Memories forward |
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Iron Man  |
Latest Marvel comic classic spooled out with some eclectic casting and a dark sense of humor. |
"Sometimes you gotta run before you can walk. " |
Steel Magnolias, Tin Men, Full Metal Jacket, Stephen King's Silver Bullet, Ferris Bueller's Day Off |
Flubber, The Blob, Pillow Talk |
Ferric wonderman Springs high on Nike flares Sun eyes speak the truth |
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Made of Honor  |
Hoping to best My Best Friend's Wedding in the When Harry Met Sally boy & girl "friend" tradition. |
"" |
Milquetoast |
Iron Man |
There once was a man from Grey's Anatomy/ Who did react quite commonly/When asked to play the wimp/He struggled with the primp/Yet personified reverse misogyny |
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APRIL 2008 |
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Baby Mama  |
Former SNL Weekend Update Team-Tina & Amy try on the surrogate mother thing. |
"Can I just spray a little pam down there right before the baby comes out? " |
Superbad, Knocked Up, Freaks & Geeks, full frontal male nudity, white, soft, knead-able man-flesh |
Rock hard abs, self-esteem |
Wimp cries nakedly Milky white skin errs again And again to win |
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Harold & Kumar Quanta- namo Bay |
Cult favs and stoner-brains, H&K take on Homeland Security and win over George W. Bush |
"Dude!?!'"  |
Superbad, Knocked Up, Freaks & Geeks, full frontal male nudity, white, soft, knead-able man-flesh |
Rock hard abs, self-esteem |
Wimp cries nakedly Milky white skin errs again And again to win |
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Forgetting Sarah Marshall |
Big lug loses girl, big lug weeps, big lug travels, big lug crosses paths with ex, big lug finds new girl, all to hilarious, luggy results. |
"She's the star of 'Crime Scene: Scene of the Crime.'" |
Superbad, Knocked Up, Freaks & Geeks, full frontal male nudity, white, soft, knead-able man-flesh |
Rock hard abs, self-esteem  |
Wimp cries nakedly Milky white skin errs again And again to win |
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Expelled  |
Droll Ben Stein documentary spotlighting the science field's resistance in considering the theory of intelligent design. |
"But, that doesn't explain where matter came from." |
God |
Darwin |
Like Michael Moore on Prozac and Sunday School |
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88 Minutes  |
Lastest movie ripoff, uh, parody, taking on everything from Spiderman to Catwoman, with Leslie Nielson in tow. |
"Right now there is an FBI agent behind you with a gun pointed at your head." |
Se7en, 8mm, 13 Days, 21, 40 Days and 40 Nights |
The Hours |
There once was man from the Method/Who spoke very heavy breath-ed/He had but little time/To solve the crime/And avoid being McBeth-ed |
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The Forbidden Kingdom |
Jet Li and Jackie Chan as martial arts masters and teachers of a time-traveling American teen seeking to return a magical fighting stick to the Monkey King. |
"What are you saying?"  |
Time Bandits, The Karate Kid, Clunky, curly headed kids a la Shia LeBeouf |
Hero, the novel Journey to the West |
There once was a man from the West/Who's Kung Fu was reputedly best/But he met his twin/ And gave him a spin/Of whom do I speak, have you guessed? |
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The Ruins  |
Lost American tourist tale taken from the best selling novel and placed in the hands of pretty young things and their studly boyfriends. |
"Apparently, it's not even in the guide book." |
Mayan mayhem |
Camping |
Spring leaves creep upon Unknowing youth dies hard Red blossoms of blood |
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Street Kings  |
Keanu Reeves' rad cop, bad cop thriller set among the familiar streets of Los Angeles. |
"Aren't you on the wrong side of the yellow tape? " |
Training Day, Bad Lieutenent, Mark Furman, Daryl Gates |
Personal civil rights |
Exactly like The Matrix, only without the special effects, storytelling, Trinity, Morpheus, or Agent Smith, exactly. |
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Prom Night  |
Remake and Reboot of the 1980 Jamie Lee Curtis teen dream scream-fest. |
"Michael is making me so darn mad. And on top of that I have killer cramps!" |
Remakes of 80's slasher flicks |
Jamie Lee Curtis |
Festival of lust Interupted; stalker's quest Doomed dance of youth |
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Shutter  |
Japanese-style ghost story tricked out in the wiley world of fashion photography. |
"Did you see that?" |
Old world 35mm photography |
Digital images |
Like a possessed Nikon crossed with The Exorcist. |
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Nim's Island  |
Kids' fantasy flick with Jody Foster as a reluctant hero in a tropical setting presided over by Abigail Breslin |
"Nobody invades my island and gets away with it." |
Story-within-a-story story telling. |
Gilligan's Island |
There once was a little girl/Who was absolutely nobody's fool/She lost her dad/In a sea of shad/But was rescued by an Oscar pearl |
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Leatherheads  |
Clooney and Zellweger play a sepia-styled love triangle on the rectangular field of pro football. |
"Like a kick in the head." |
Screwball comedies, screwball sports films, screwball love stories |
Helmet facemasks, |
There once was a man from ER/Who against Zellweger, started to spar/ He went for the girl/And her little spit curl/And wound up a football star |
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MARCH 2008 |
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Super Hero Movie  |
Lastest movie ripoff, uh, parody, taking on everything from Spiderman to Catwoman, with Leslie Nielson in tow. |
"You're kneeling on my crotch." |
Date Movie, Epic Movie, Not Another Teen Movie, Scary Movie(s) |
Naked Gun, Airplane, Top Secret |
Like having deja vu in a fun house hall of mirrors, sans the fun |
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Flawless  |
1960's-set Michael Caine-Demi Moore buddy flick about robbing a London diamond broker. |
"It's only enemy is another diamond." |
Entrapment, Zales, Kay, Whitehall, Friedman's, De Beers |
Blood Diamond, chauvinism, Mad Men |
Cruel cuts blind bright Facets of lonliness shine out Treasure makes pleasure |
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21  |
College brainiacs trade academics for cool, hard cash, Vegas style. |
"Count to 5 so I know you're don't have brain damage." |
Toby Maguire-Jake Gyllenhall-Topher Grace-style, earnest boy-men |
The Cincinnati Kid, Kate Bosworth |
There once was a boy from Mass./Who always did well in class/He headed to Vegas/Proceeded to wage us/He could win the beautiful lass |
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Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns |
Cross-culture-within-a culture addition to the Tyler Perry catalog. |
"It don't matter what you're up against."  |
Anything with "Tyler Perry's" at the beginning, new and different ways to categorize a "ho." |
Plaid pants, toupees, the New South. |
There once was a man from the street/With Hollywood his movies compete/He does it in drag/And isn't a hag/And the audience, he never does cheat |
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Married Life |
Adult look at marriage and faithfulness amid a man's attempt to poison his wife. |
"Regrets? Yes and many more to come." |
Rachel McAdams, Patricia Claskson, Chris Cooper, Pierce Brosnan |
Marital Fidelity  |
Like Romeo & Juliet spooled out backwards |
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Drillbit Taylor  |
Owen Wilson and nerds take on school bullies in My Bodyguard-style funfest. |
"You know what this is? A wing, and you are under it." |
Napoleon Dynamite, Revenge of the Nerds, Leslie Mann |
Traditional Owen Wilson comedy-buddy pairings |
There once was a man from Zoolander/Who took on the role of crew handler/So he trained the kids/To get off the skids/So they could confidentally do grander |
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Doomsday  |
Rhona Mitra post-apocalyptic tale relocating The Road Warrior to Scotland. |
"In the land of the infected, the immune man is king." |
Mad Max, Rhona Mitra, Resident Evil, Rhona Mitra, Cyclops, Rhona Mitra |
28 Days Later |
Mass of humanity Falls dead like Autumn petals The cure speeds forward |
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Horton Hears a Who  |
Animated re-imagining of the Dr. Seuss classic with comedy heavyweights Jim Carey and Steve Carrell |
"A person's a person no matter how small." |
Jim Carrey, Dr. Seuss, Microbiotic lifeforms, Carol Burnett |
Mike Myers' The Cat in the Hat, Childrens' books written by celebrities |
Like Dumbo the elephant had a child with Bugs Bunny  |
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Paranoid Park  |
Gus Van Sant's view from a kill with a sullen teen dealing with his part in the accidental death of a security guard not to mention, high school. |
"Adults do things for money, that's what they do." |
Larry Clark films, roaming school halls |
Skateboarding, combs, |
Slow burn goes the kid Kick of rebellion shows true Life goes down in tracks |
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Never Back Down  |
Karate Kid meets Fight Club meets rock-hard abs. |
"Enjoy the floor." |
Extracurricular Activities that involve stitches. |
Fight Club, Passivity, Djimon Hounsou, Afterschool Specials |
There once was a boy from the city/Who didn't want to fight, oh pity/He was beat to a pulp/By a dubious dolt/But came back to win the school pretty |
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Bank Job |
Yet another Jason Statham vehicle, this time robbing a bank to save the British Crown some embarrassement |
"It's my lucky number." |
The Italian Job, The Brink's Job, The Inside Job, The Big Job, Dream Job, Summer Job, Harold Sakata (Odd Job) |
Unemployment |
Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig Team digs the money cave Yes, betrayal comes |
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Charlie Bartlett  |
Dweeb with a heart becomes highschool hero dispensing advice and prescription drugs. |
"I'm just a stupid kid." |
Risky Business, Drunk Principals, High School Bathrooms |
Truancy, Pharmaceutical Retraint, Ferris Bueller |
Like an Afterschool Special made by Hunter S. Thompson |
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Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day |
Frances McDormand as a "Mary Poppins for Adults" with Amy Adams along for the ride. |
"The crisis is ongoing."  |
The Amy Adams Bandwagon, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Farce, Fizzy Soda Pop |
Blood, Guts & Zombies, Temp Agencies |
There once was a lady from Enchanted/Who wanted all her wishes to be granted/ Along came some aid/ Amidst the Nazi Raid/Soon love and heart were implanted. |
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10,000 B.C.  |
Melding of The Ten Commandments, Lawrence of Arabia and The Searchers with mythical adventure tale thrown in for good measure. |
"Ticky tic luk cluk." |
One Million Years B.C., Fur, Ice Age |
History, Science, Knowledge |
Bone spear flies on high Mammoth falls in clouds of dust Man rises above |
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Semi-Pro  |
70's-Style Will Farrell vehicle all about balls and brawls inside the American Basketball Association |
"You jive-turkey!" |
Dick, The Ohio Players, Dr. J. The 1970's |
Jehri Curl, Andy Richter, Hoosiers |
There once was a man from Flint/Who had a smile and a glint/He coached a team/ They were no dream/ Maybe a nightmare to a lesser extent |
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FEBRUARY 2008 |
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Vantage Point |
Eight (or so) views of a possible presidential assassination. |
"The President of the United States has been shot" |
 Groundhog Day, Go, |
Sigourney Weaver, Matthew Fox, linear reason |
Hands raise in the air Rage bursts forth like noon day sun Dire shots ring out |
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The Other Boleyn Girl |
Fem Dream Team of Portman and Johannson in costume drama about rival sisters, lust and betrayal; what else! |
"Do I have a choice?"  |
Decapitation, castles, The other Boleyn movies. |
Strong father figures, kind uncles, proper brotherly love, childbirth |
Daughters of Rose land Vie for the hand of power Fatality rules |
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Jumper  |
Hayden Christensen leaps through portholes all over the globe in search of; well, he just leaps. |
"If you don't want to tell me everything, that’s fine. Just don't lie to me" |
Blond-black men, the space-time continuim, E=mc2 |
Space holds no bars For the one who splits the seam Green cash from the bank |
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In Bruges |
Hitman buddy flick featuring a historic Flemish landmark, a midget, and a mad Englishman |
"If the buck doesn't stop with him, who does it stop with?"  |
Tarantino, adorable hitmen, dwarfs |
Political correctness, profane-free language, confession booths |
There once were two hitmen from Dublin/Whose rhetoric was quite a-bubblin'/They were hiding out/And there was no doubt/Their dilema was rather troublin' |
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Definitely, Maybe  |
Twisty, triplet tale told by a father to his daughter; regarding his love life which obviously includes her mother. |
"It' depends on what the meaning of the word 'is,' is." |
Little Miss Sunshine, saccharin, 1992 |
Categorically-absolute decidely-obvious statements |
There once was a father and daughter/Who shared a common fodder/So he told her his tale/How with women, he'd fail/And audience tears flowed like water |
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Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show |
Semi-doc, semi-comedy concert featuring Vince, comics, and some special guests fighting, bonding and riding on a bus. |
"Welcome to Bakersfield" |
Swingers, The "F" word, Journey's "Faithfully" video, Justin Long, motion sickness |
Continuity, traditional stand-up comedy,  |
Clouds cast droll shadows Night falls on stage of laughter Joy comes by morning |
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Fool's Gold |
Tanned, buff & beautiful Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey try their luck at romance in the sun, surf and sea. |
"You married a guy for sex and then expected him to be smart?"  |
National Treasure, pecs, Rap-singer stereotypes, Yachts |
Dry land, The Black Crowes, sunscreen |
There once was a couple from the Keys/Who stood on the deck in the breeze/As they sought for treasure/Which was their pleasure/They found themself weak in the knees |
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The Eye  |
Gin Gwai reboot with Jessica Alba seeing things through newly transplanted corneas. |
"Nice 'seeing' you." |
The Ring, The Grudge, Opthamological miracles |
Original Asian horror, Blink, Jessica Alba's career path |
Light's edge in focus Reveals death's reaper come Escort of shadow |
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Over Her Dead Body |
Eva Longoria Rom-Com vehicle that neither stars Eva Longoria nor flatters her. |
"Is she here right now?" |
Paul Rudd, Heaven Can Wait, Canine obesity |
Eva Longoria, Eva Longoria Parker, Gabrielle Solis, Desperate Housewives |
Love dies cold as ice New birth in soothsayers's hands Spring veil hides no ghost |
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Rambo |
Sturdy, bloody treatment of Stallone's 2nd most durable character, with Christian missionaries, no less. |
"We need to get up river!!"  |
Rambo II & III, The blood count of Sweeney Todd, |
First Blood, Keeping down your lunch |
There once was a man from 'Nam/Who was quite an acting ham/He pulled out his knife/Snuffed out a life/And made us all forget Van Damme |
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JANUARY 2008 |
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Untraceable  |
Schlock Horror Genre gets star treatment with Diane Lane as FBI Tracker. |
"Mommy, why is our house on the TV" |
Silence of the Lambs, SAW, MySpace |
Silence of the Lambs, Tom Hanks' progeny, Spyware protection |
There once was a lady from The Perfect Storm/Her acting; always above the "norm"/She joined the FBI/To catch a killer guy/Who liked to broadcast his torture porn. |
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There Will Be Blood |
Expansive view of an oil man tumbling towards obession, excess and insanity. |
"Do you have any others that can be 'got'?" |
Citizen Kane, Giant, madness, entrepreneurial- ship |
Prophet-style preaching, fair deals, clean hands |
Desert gold black as soot Screams for one to set it free Death lurching skyward |
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Mad Money |
Diane Keaton, Queen Latifan and Katie Holmes rob the Federal Reserve Bank from the inside, for comedic effect. |
"Unless you have a half-dozen very hard rectangular breasts, we need to talk." |
Fun with Dick and Jane, The View, well-toupee'd Ted Danson |
Logic, morals, banking, The Usual Suspects  |
There once were some girls in banking/Who did a little money yanking/They pocketed the stash/Then blew the cash/While avoiding a penal spanking. |
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Cloverfield  |
Home video view of monster attack on New York City. |
"What the f**k was that?" |
Blair Witch Project, Godzilla movies, Manhattan |
The Brooklyn Bridge, Lady Liberty, steady cameras |
There once was a monster from the sea/That tore the head off liberty/He threw buildings around/Stomped on the ground/And now Manhattan's history |
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27 Dresses |
Romantic-Comedy with Katherine Heigl as pining, perpetual bridesmaid. |
"I never do anything like this." |
Judy Greer, Rom-Com logic, Bride Magazine |
Testosterone |
Closet bloom of love Colors bleed from satin lace Lover wears no more |
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Atone- ment |
Classic Brit-epic of love, lust, and betrayal during the early stages of World War II. |
"I will return. Find you, love you, marry you and live without shame." |
Merchant Ivory flicks, Keira Knightley, Lyricism |
Fast-paced movies, Capra-esque endings, getting away with lies |
Day of sweltering heat A testimony of lust Hopeful love dies hard |
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The Bucket List |
Pairing of Nicholson and Freeman in odd-couple look at death at the door.  |
"We live, we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round." |
Terms of Endearment, Tibetian vistas, hospitals, philosophical questions |
Se7en, manly-men-movies, female costars |
There once was a man with cancer/His friend tried to give him the answer/ Adventure ensued/Life was renewed/By the rich billionare financer |
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In the Name of the King |
Medeival-style tale of magic, swords and familial love with Jason Stratham, Ray Liotta and Leelee Sobieski. |
"The king has been poisoned!!" |
The idea of Gladiator crossed with The Lord of the Rings |
The idea of Gladiator crossed with Ray Liotta |
There once was a man named Farmer/He didn't want to wear armor/But the king came calling/and Krugs go falling/My, isn't he a charmer |
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Juno |
Nothing to do with Alaska, this story follows a pregnant teen's circle of eclectic relationships. |
"I was hoping she was expelled, or into hard drugs." |
Napoleon Dynamite, Dawson's Creek-style lingo |
Teenagers that don't talk like Harvard-grad Kiekegaard majors |
Fall of discontent Belly swells with attitude Gift of life for one |
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Charlie Wilson's War |
Hanks and Roberts vehicle about the CIA, Afghanistani politics and the end of the cold war, |
"You know you've reached rock bottom when you're told you have character flaws by a man who hanged his predecessor in a military coup." |
Wag the Dog, Bill Clinton, Hot Tubs, Texas accents  |
Traditional politics, accountability, thin-version Tom Hanks |
There once was a man from the Lone Star/Who lived his life at the wet bar/He flew to the East/Then battled the beast/And the Russians went home on a rail car. |
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Sweeney Todd |
Musical bloodfest with a game Tim Burton clan in tow. |
"I can guarantee the closest shave you'll ever know" |
Jack the Ripper, Sleepy Hollow, black humor |
Straight razor shaves, Hairspray, the British judicial system |
Upstairs knife in hand Bloody with retribution Soul flows down the street |
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National Treasure II |
Book of Secrets sequel finds treasure hunting team + Helen Mirren on worldwide search. |
"Gates, people don't believe that stuff anymore."(president) "..But they want to."(Gates) |
Historical landmarks, cliches, Cracker Jacks, conspiracy theories |
Helen Mirren, Conde' Nast, Abraham Lincoln, facts |
Torn map of desire Man seeking golden promise A world of found hope |
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Walk Hard  |
Parody of musician bio-pics with a fine-detail-eye and non sequitor logic. |
"Get help, I'm cut in half real bad!" |
Weird Al, Spinal Tap, male full-frontal |
Ray, Walk the Line, subtle humor |
Cut brother in half Machete in springtime blood Blossoms of Father's hate |
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Enchanted |
Fanciful, udated fairytale featuring adult sensibilities mixed with classic Disney tones. |
"You made a dress out of my curtains?!" |
The street-singing/dancing parade scene from Ferris Bueller's Day Off |
The Grinch  |
There once was a girl from Andalusia/Who liked to wear the color fuscia/Here smile was so "beamy"/She met her McDreamy/While dispatching a dragon, I don't roose ya |
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Beowulf  |
Visual (3D) spectacle of the high-school literature-class staple; with pools of gruel, cool and drool. |
"They say you have a monster here. They say your lands are cursed. I am Beowulf and I'm here to kill your monster." |
300, Dungeons & Dragons, Xbox 360, Steak Tartare, Angelina |
Poetry books, stillness, marital fidelity, hygiene |
There once was a man from Geats Land/Who wore a skirt and an arm band/He stripped past the waist/And didn't make haste/To kill Grendal the beast with his bare hand |
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No Country for Old Men |
Coen brothers return-to-form about a ruthless hitman's pursuit of common man who made off with a stash of money. |
"What's the most you ever lost in a coin toss?" |
The Little Dutch Boy, Kill Bill I&II, Fargo, Slaughter House Techniques |
Cows, fashionable hairstyles, |
Jones boy on the trail Leaves of green power the chase Doleful end for all |
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I Am Legend |
Will Smith tour-de-force with dog, chick, and zombie thrown in for for fun. |
"If there's anybody out there... anybody... please. You are not alone." |
Independance Day, Mannequin, Ford Mustangs, isolation |
PETA, Manhattan, the dark |
Desolation day Comes to humankind soundly Dawn of hope in one |
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