1. Their Opinion Matters More Than Yours - Don't believe the hype. All the college, experience, trips to film festivals, etc... does not assist the movie critic's objectivity, it clouds it. What if you ate every meal at McDonald's? Could you ever objectively refer anyone to the joys of junk food? Critics just can't seem to see the Forrest for the Gump. Movies are, junk food for the brain. There's nothing academic about that. What you like is what you like. Let no one decide that for you.

2. Movies are Art - TAC (The AntiCritic) will never use the term "film" on this website. Film is the celluloid that holds the movie. Movies are for entertainment and are for consumption not exposition; just like a 9 oz. bag of peanut M&Ms! Sure, they can be beautiful and tasty and even "moving" but just eat them up and enjoy!

3. Big Budget is Bad - Why do movie critics criticize movies that cost a lot of money to make? We spend $9.50 to get in no matter how much a movie costs. (Oops, that's right, movie critics pay nothing to see a movie, so who are they to complain anyway?) As I see it, if a date chooses to spend a little more money to impress me, who am I to complain? Who then loves the movie fan more? Producers who spend $150 million or those who spend $5 million?

4. Stanley Kubrick is God - Kubrick, rest in peace, predominantly made movies that are totally unwatchable - the more boring, the more the critics convulse with love. There is not a normal soul alive who can stand 2001: A Space Odyssey, A Clockwork Orange, or Dr. Strangelove. Kubric even made Tom & Nicole boring in Eyes Wide Shut. (Oooh, is that irony?) Yet, critics babble on and swoon about him like teens on the latest cool band. Critics just like to use Kubric as the litmus test for who is IN. Smack junkies do the same with "Purple Haze," yet somehow junkies at least seem authentic.

5. Critics Know More About Movies Than You - You think any critic has ever peed against a wall like Big Daddy Adam Sandler, or been looked at by a Wedding Crasher (let alone seduced, HA!). Well TAC has experienced both. Critics come from such faux-intellectual uber-nebishness that they would have to climb a ladder to begin to understand Napoleon Dynamite or Rob Schneider. Critics are machines built by an alien race who nurtured them on lemonade, sour grapes, and slimy steel hugs. Sure they have the data in their heads but living is experiencing life, not reading, writing, and processing.

6. Conservative is Bad - Why do critics always become Vanguard stump-preachers all of a sudden for any and all "controversial" movies (known to TAC as "broke-back syndrome"). Make any two-bit movie about homosexuality, race, environment, anti-war, anti-Bush, etc... and suddenly it's like the critic is awakened to their politically correct inner sanctimony and have to triumph the cause. The 'causes' can be worth it many times, but it's just so obvious most critics are closet liberals categorically empowered. For every supermodel who wants to be an actor and every actor who wants to be a singer, there's a movie critic who wants to be a left-wing crusader. Just be a movie critic.

7. Critics are Indispensable - TAC is your intervention partner! Break the co-dependency! Trust your gut! Don't feel the need to look for the critic's validation on whether you like a movie or not. Movie reviewers do not practice unconditional love. Have you ever loved a movie and then felt awful to read the critic say that anyone who loved that movie was a complete moron? It hurt didn't it? Critics don't care about you. They only like to hear (read) themselves wax poetic with streams of cynical, arrogant adverbs and adjectives. Your opinion on a movie is yours and that is good.