1. Bobby Brown denies reports that he had a heart attack: Whitney Houston quickly sues for 1/2 of any assets from any Discovery Channel reality show.

2. Criminal Minds honored with award for humane portrayal of interogation: Law & Order: SVU also picks up, "Most Sensitive Treatment of a Pre-Op Trans-Gendered, Transsexual."

3. Bryan Adams' Israeli-Palestinian peace concert canceled due to security concerns: Following suit, Ryan Adams contemplates cancelling New Jersey-South Philly harmony show.

4. Toby Maguire's baby's first words: Da-da: Swept away in a flurry of man-boy emotions, begs Sam Raimi to adapt Clifford the Big Red Dog for the big screen.

5. Orlando Bloom in car accident: Partners with George Clooney to start Hollywood "Fender Bender" support group.

6. The Hills slammed for reportedly staging emotional airport reunion: Next up, hospital room cry-fest and pajama party.

7. Rosie Perez says she discovered Jennifer Lopez: "Oh yeah, those dead sea scrolls? that was me too."

8. Slender, post-preggers Naomi Watts swears by "solid undergarments:" A shocked King Kong says, "a girdle? I feel so duped!!"

9. Sharon Stone honors India's "Hugging Saint": Coming in a close second was the Pakistani "Back Slapping" Iman.

10. Joe Pesci stars in legal-brothel movie: He got tired of waiting on Mel and Danny to make Lethal Weapon 5: One's Crazy, One's Black and I'm Irritating.