1. J.K. Rowling outs Dumbledore: Next thing, she's going to tell us Snape had Bi-Polar Disorder.

2. Kid Rock in Waffle House brawl: Someone's always losing teeth at the Waffle House.

3. FBI raids David Copperfield's magic warehouse: Lead Detective could only be heard saying, "How'd you do it?" .

4. Long John Silver's pledges $10K toward world hunger if Miley Cyrus stops by for a fish platter: Long John quickly arrested and booked.

5. Brit reportedly acquires permanent pout: Joining the ranks of other "permanent facial expressioners," Joan Rivers, Melanie Griffith and Stone Phillips.

6. Sinbad late on taxes: First Blade, now Sinbad, does the IRS have a single-moniker vendetta?

7. Marie Osmond faints on live TV: She's used that trick so many times on QVC it'd make your head spin!

8. Rachael Ray hires Valerie Bertinelli as "buddy" for talk show. This much "cuteness" is surely sponsored by the American Sugar Alliance.

9. McCartney says latest CD title came from message on his cell phone: His last band was also named after the Women's International News Gathering Service.

10. Beyonce' celebrates Ethiopia's 2000th birthday: She even has an assistant sign birthday card and lick stamp. Her limo driver personally drops letter at post office.