1. Hayden Panettiere brags that she's wanted by the Japanese police: A jealous Paris Hilton is seen boarding Air Japan with a sharpei and a video camera.

2. Before visiting her incarcerated husband, Amy Winehouse reportedly has her behive searched: Like her career, it turned out to be all puff and flat in just minutes.

3. Five months after "tart" slam, Katie Couric razzes Dan Rather in You Tube video: Next up, she plans to weigh in on the Donald Trump-Rosie O'Donnell feud.

4. Jason Bateman tells reporter that Teen Wolf Too Fans are potheads: Crackheads have graduated to the edgier attitudes of Valerie.

5. Lindsay Lohan spends 84 minutes in jail: This, before she bribes for extradition to Tokyo.

6. Wayne Newton cancels shows due to heart condition: Not since the Tom Jones Gastritis incident has there been such disappointment in Vegas.

7. Late-nite talk-show hosts may return, sans writers: This is like brain surgeons operating without, you know, those sharp, shiny things.

8. Reportedly engaged, Katharine McPhee "bubbling over with excitement," says a source: This will be good for at least two Hey Paula breakdown episodes

9. ABC Daytime announces "A-B-Celine Week" (as in Celine Dion): CBS too-quickly follows with clumsy C-B-Seal Summer.

10. Nick Lachey says 2007 was a "rebuilding year": Luckily he has coaching from Vanilla Ice who is still in his "rebuilding epoch."