1. Jennifer Love Hewitt decrees a size 2 "not fat": Will the Tabloids make up their minds? Is size 2 obese or anorexic? I'm so confused.

2. Johnny Depp compared his singing voice to "mating call of a rutting stag": To the displeasure of thousands of doe-eyed women.

3. French company buys controlling stake in videogame maker Activision: Not to give it away, but most of the easter eggs will now be found in female underarm hair.

4. MTV reality star Tila Tequilla accused of being a closet heterosexual: Rock Hudson is in his grave going, "Damn, was I ahead of my time or what?"

5. Ro-Paul McCarquetteny "just good friends!": For the 3 people who have any idea about this romance, read more about it in AARP People.

6. ALF goes toe-to-toe with Bill O'Reilly: But just how many toes does that add up to?

7. Will Smith likens his 7-year-old daughter Willow to Paris Hilton: Has he been taking parenting advice from Bobby and Whitney?

8. The Osbournes hold a garage sale for charity: Early arrivers were saddened to see the Osbournes had already sold their self-respect.

9. Pam Anderson says she wants to retire soon: And she deserves it, being that she has never actually slept in a bed.

10. 1997 B movie shows Grey's Anatomy's Chyler Leigh making out with her real-life older brother: Proving that there are actors who come out of Alabama.