1. Jessica Simpson makes an appearance in Persian Gulf region for Operation MySpace: Jealous Ashley flies to Afghanistan for YouTube Summit.

2. America's Next Top Model contestants accused of food fights in their Tribeca Loft: Jaqueline Bisset then calls for closure of Chesapeake Bay.

3. New York couple wed by Kathy Griffin: New culture of "Riding on the Coat tails of C-Listers." causing a storm; next, see Gene Simmons peform Barmitzvah.

4. Vulcan, Alberta seeks to host Star Trek prequel premiere: Vulcanized rubber seeks a share of action figure profits..

5. Barack Obama gets new reggae song, endorsement: This should tip the scale for ganja-smoking, dreadlocked who're deadlocked."

6. Project Runway winner approves of Amy Poehler's impression of him: By his looks, I also got that impression.

7. Clooney glad he avoided fisticuffs with angry Fabio: Luckily for him, Fabio had time to cool off while handlers were oiling his chest.

8. Tori Spelling admits that her spendthrift ways put her near bankruptcy: "In all honesty, I grew up a certain way; I never had to worry about money:" Spendthrift ways? Near bankruptcy? Finally here's an actor who's a true American!

9. PETA member Jenna Jameson advocates pleather: She cites, "It's not nearly as 'grabby' to the naked body as leather or vinyl."

10. Pussycat Dolls lose a Pussycat Doll: Insert your own 'hair ball' joke here.