1. Mike Tyson wants Jamie Foxx to play him in biopic: With his favorite punching bag to play Robin Givens.

2. Julie Christie calls for closure of Guantanamo Bay: Jaqueline Bisset then calls for closure of Chesapeake Bay.

3. Celebrities exposed to hepatitis A at chic Manahattan hot spot: Said celebrities then quickly asked that Paris Hilton be removed.

4. Diddy to pursue acting "with 100 percent focus": This is a sure thing as Diddy (aka Sean Combs, P. Diddy, Puff Daddy, et al) never changes his mind.

5. The Black Crowes blast Maxim for reviewing album without hearing all of it: Maxim responds "C'mon who has time for music when putting together a Nadine Velazquez photo shoot."

6. Fire destroys hotel owned by romance novelist Nora Roberts: Who knew that the "hotel built from Roberts' novels" was literally built from higly flammable paperback novels.

7. Valerie Bertinelli talks to Oprah about dating Steven Spielberg in 1980: Luckly for Speilberg their breakup stopped him from proceeding with the Bertinelli/Pat Harrington vanity film, "Dwayne Schneider's List"

8. NBC exec says upcoming Robinson Crusoe series is "part MacGyver... part Cast Away-meets-Survivor": Can't wait to see the raft made of coconuts and paperclips.

9. Parents Television Council critiques streaker scene in Las Vegas, saying "buttocks are visible.": They didn't seem to mind that he was running headless and on fire.

10. Gary Busey reliably bonkers: It's refreshing to see a consistent insane person for a change compared to, say, the erratic-ness of Paula Abdul's mental illness.